Changed

I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am not the same person I was a year and a half ago. I am not the same person I was June 12, 2009 when I was leaving work after a good, productive day.


Being the daughter of a Southern Baptist minister, I am used to change. We moved a lot and every move brought a new home, new friends, new school and new adventures. People will ask me "Didn't you hate moving?" Well, no, not entirely. It almost became habit for me. The hardest move was, by far, from Gainesville to Marietta. I left behind close friends and a school I was finding my "niche" in. I was dropped into a school where I was a mere number on the roster. I didn't grow up there, so I was immediately a "stranger" to the natives. Moving to college was pretty easy. I made friends easily and rarely went home. Moving out of Mom and Dad's house was pretty easy, too. I was an adult with an adult job. It was time for me to grow up and figure out who I was.


But the biggest change in my life I was not prepared for nor have I adapted well to is the death of my little brother, Jacob. That's the real reason for this blog. I have so many thoughts and feelings and STUFF that I need to get out and this is the best avenue for me to use. Because it's on the internet, it's not private. No matter what precautions I take, it's still out there for all the world to see. Naturally, there will be a filter...but not much. This is for me to vent, complain, rejoice and whine. I don't and won't make apologies for what I say.


Jacob was my best friend. We were 2 years and 7 months apart and were the best of playmates. In the 21 years of his life, we fought (naturally), laughed, cried and argued. And now he's gone. And I am forever changed.


I consider myself very adaptable. I can accept a change of plans and run with it without blinking. I'm usually very good in a crisis. (That comes from years in the hospital with Jake.) But this change in my life, the change that occurred on June 14, 2009... I don't think I will ever adapt to it. I will never get over it. I will never get used to the way life is now. And if someone dares to tell me to get over, they will find themselves short one friend.


But because of Jacob...I've been changed for good.